standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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