you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
