she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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