The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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