you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
