Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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