fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
