What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
