We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
