I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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