I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
