I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
