You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
