After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
