my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
