You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
