we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize