we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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