Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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