I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
