ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize