You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
