I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
