We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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