Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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