She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
