do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
