please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
