oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
