he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
