Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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