btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
