My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
