So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
