I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
