i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
