no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
