Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
