so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
