Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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