playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
