just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
