He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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