she kept yelling 'call me bella'
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
