I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
