so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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