Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
