The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
