I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You need a sexual gate keeper
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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