I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize