no, he came in my armpit
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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