Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
