Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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