69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
