Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
