Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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