I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
it's like iHOP with fire
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
