what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
