do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
