you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
