just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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