Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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