Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
